The Part that Died.

She has been searching for herself. Tearing open inside the shell of her exsistence. Coming back to the surface empty handed time after time.

In the complete re-evaluation of her being, she has become self destructive. The reflection of her image is unrecognizable. She hears her voice but does not identify with it.

She knows now that no matter the depth or extent of her search she will never find what she is looking for.

She will never retrieve the part she wants. It is lost forever in the abyss of the universe and, maybe, it is supposed to be that way. But it wasn’t until now she could comprehend that feeling she will never get that piece back again. The part that died within herself that day. She will never be the same.




People are like trees.

Some big, some small, some worn from bearing the weather, others slowly dying from the inability to adapt to their environment for lack of support or disease.

But, when you see the trees that are worn, growing slanted from the harsh conditions they faced – refused to give up. Instead, they accept the situation. They push on and grow in a way that is unlike the rest. This does not mean they are broken, not at all, it shows the drive for survival.

These are the traits to look for in people. In special instances, these leaning trees are able to find another tree to lean on.

The beauty surrounds the leaning trees and people alike for overcoming deterioration.

When you have this support, they don’t care if you are an evergreen, a birch, a maple, or a Scottish pine. No, they only care that they are able to help support you until you can grow on your own again.

Hold on to these people. The people who appreciate the beauty in the broken. These are your people – they are your home.



And maybe she won’t get better

She will keep falling apart,

Like a crack that continues to spread

That started deep inside her heart.

Maybe her eyes will stop leaking

Even when she is relentlessly sad

The tears may stop falling

But her misery is continuously bad.

Maybe she holds on to this feeling

Because there is comfort within her pain

Even when wanting to embrace happiness

She has found solace, and won’t ever be the same.




She may look as if she is driving her way forward. Seems to be passing the roadblocks of life like the freshly fallen snow on each side of her.

She can’t help but study the rearview mirror. Watching everything she passes with hesitation. What happens in the past does not stay in the past – at least not for her.

Her life is so hyperfocused on her own rearview mirror, that she cannot concentrate on what is right in front of her. She cannot enjoy the moment or the milestones she reaches without looking back. It is exhausting.

And maybe that is what will break her.


The Sun Still Shines.

Even when her heart does break,

Still the sun will shine.

Even when you’re not awake,

Still the sun will shine.

Even as the tears cease to fall,

Still the sun will shine.

This void cannot be filled – despite it all,

And still the sun will shine.

A piece of her is gone for good,

Still the sun will shine.

She had done everything she knew she could,

Still the sun will shine.

Memories will continue to live on,

Even when the sun will shine.

And she will remember you even though you’re gone.

Because, on this day – the sun did shine.


She is.

She is tired, 

But doesn’t long for sleep.

She is broken,

And her soul is starting to weep.

She is a puzzle,

But the pieces don’t quite fit,

She may be a mess,

But she will not quit.

You see the glimmer in her eyes,

And foolishly believe she’s okay.

Little do you know,

How much she’s already faded away.

She may not be glamourous,

Comfortable in a tee-shirt and sweats.

And her heart is closing off,

Filled with aches and regrets.

She may be a mess to look at,

But all the best ones are –

She will keep reminding herself,

Why she came this far.




The process of loss a confusing one, no matter the type of loss. 

People don’t stop living their lives when your world feels like it is crumbling before your eyes.

There is no silence. The birds still sing, the seasons still change even when you feel as though you haven’t moved. 

Physically and emotionally you feel stuck. No one or no where to turn. Comments are made that you need to “move on”, but how do you do that when stagnant?

Which pain is worse? Thinking back on memories or realizing that is all that is left?

The waves of grief, it has been referred to, wash over your body. At times they can cleanse but, that same wave can drown you.

Loss to me is, when your life has ceased to be important because all those stars you used to look in the sky for are suddenly laying at your feet.