She is completely unexplainable.
Some days she feels as though she could conquor the world and make a difference; others she has to drag herself out of bed.
She still struggles to understand who she is. This ever-changing transformation she is going through is exhausting. It is so hard to admit that she is not the person she has pretended to be all these years.
It is even harder when she tries and tries to make her mind think she’s getting better to realize that she is in a cycle that may never end. A cycle of happiness -frustration- sadness – brokenness – guilt – shame… It repeats with the occasional new emotion.
So. She pretends most days that are the hardest, she is okay. Puts on eyeliner and coats her lids with shadow in the morning to hide the pink puffiness from the nights cry. Curls her lashes and plumps her mascara so she can hide it as best as she can. Her mask is on.
Throws on a smile in public even though she cries in the car.
Another day to go. Another day to survive.
Because, she would rather rip her soul out than let someone see her cry without her permission.