Fear

I love Breaking Bad. It was one of my favorite series. It made me laugh and cry and feel

I usually do not finish any series. I never watch the finale (sp?).  I don’t want to admit that something I have grown so attached to, is over. 

I become enveloped in stories and plots that it scares me when they are over. 

I know now it is because I will have to face my own reality again. I cannot fade away into another realm of beloved characters and their problems. 

But it’s time.

It’s time that I face my own shit. As hard as it is, it really isn’t an option. I can’t procrastinate on my mental health any more.  It would be easier to start another book or tv show but now is not the time for easy. Its time for healing.

You see, I am a highly sensitive person. I mourn for characters when they die, I empathize with them as if they were my friends or family. That’s hard. 

Certain shows/movies/books I avoid because I emotionally cannot handle it. It sounds kind of silly but my heart actually aches. 

It scares me.  It causes me so much fear to face my own mind. Explore places inside I have been avoiding for so long. 

Picking the scab off my wounds and trying to let them heal the right way without them leaving scars on my heart and my head.

I don’t know how long this process will take but it is not helpful prolonging the inevitable, right?

I’m scared. Hell yes I’m terrified. But I know it will be more difficult to face the older I get.

Xo

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